If enlightenment is awakening then my A-ha! Moment came through my body, which I suspect is probably the only way I could have heard it. I am a physician, obstetrician and surgeon. As a group we tend to be a lot of overdeveloped intellectuals, trained to trust only our minds while ignoring our bodies. When I work I have been known to work 12 hours only to realize that I have forgotten to eat. I've operated on people and become so exhausted that I'm afraid to drive myself home afterwards. My moment of illumination came however at a staff meeting.

At this meeting we sat to review a case that had occurred 2 weeks earlier and hadn't gone so well. I'd had a mother in labor and a baby in trouble. I'd had inexperienced and insufficient staff. Despite 16 years of experience I'd had to struggle to stay calm in front of this frightened family while we scrambled to collect pediatrics, anesthesia, and nursing. I expected to be commended for, once again, compensating, for trying to do it all and be everything. Instead, that young inexperienced nurse felt that I should have been able to do more and faster. I suppose it's a creation of my own making. I've been talented enough that I usually can make surgery and delivering babies look easy but it takes years of experience to look that smooth. I had been stunned that night how far those gradual little hospital budget cuts had depleted staff but I was a lot more stunned when I realized that blame for any problem despite that would fall to me. And that is when my heart said "NO! No, no, no."

I know that I'm a girl and also an addicted rescuer so I've loved being needed. But over the last 2 years when I would enter the hospital my stomach would knot and my shoulders would tense. I wouldn't be able to sleep after just one phone call at night for fear of missing something.

That staff meeting was last September and it's taken me a year to get up the courage to leave. I've left a job that was certain and lucrative. For the first 6 months when I even talked about quitting I had to pause and take deep breaths, but ultimately I did it. I'm not taking the time off yet like Mary Lou but in mid-career I've gone back to do a fellowship. In some ways I'm working harder than ever because everything is new and I don't know where I'm going to end up yet, still I find myself smiling without trying. I feel like doing cartwheels down the hall, I have to hold myself back from doing spins on the sidewalk like I did when I was little. More than anything I've been reminded in myself of one of the blessings of being a woman - to trust my feelings and intuition. My logical mind would still tell you today that I had a great job but my heart and soul were being squashed. I've told women after surgery to trust their bodies but I stopped listening to mine. So my dear friends, respect your mind but trust and honor your body for it may be bringing messages from your heart.

— Barbara, New York, NY