Book Excerpt :: Time Off for Good Behavior by Mary Lou Quinlan

Order your copy today!

Have you already taken a break or have you thought about it? When was the moment that you knew things had to change?
Tell Us Your Story >>

Book Excerpt (Chapter Five)
The Moment of Truth

No matter how much you try to control your circumstances, life happens. You may get an unwelcome wake up call. A big birthday arrives or a small lump appears. A sick child needs special attention or a loved one dies. Your company is taken over. You run out of steam. For many good girls, the A-ha moment comes as the shock that makes them face their addiction to overwork. And not soon enough.

Women have asked me, “When was the moment when you knew you had to quit?” I suppose we are all watching for that giant billboard that announces, “Career pothole ahead!” or “Look out, drop off into abyss of exhaustion… NEXT!”

Maybe we want to be reassured that we don’t have to worry…yet. We’re not THAT bad, so we can keep on swimming, even when the current gets rough. But sometimes the waves of overwork just inch up, washing over us before we even know we’re drowning.

No matter how severe or subtle their situation, the women I interviewed used a lot of emotional language to describe the sudden realization of the crisis in their everyday lives. “I hit the wall.” “I woke up.” “I snapped to.” “It hit me right between the eyes.” The images are violent and cathartic and scary.

One woman shared with me the most painful description of a life out of control: “I was screaming inside.” Imagine the stressful effects on a woman who’s smiling while screaming inside. Good girls don’t give up easily. After all those years of being the ‘go to’ women, they are not about to be labeled as quitters.

I think back to my own early report cards and that A in perseverance. Sticking it out, no matter what—that’s what I was known for. Even when my ad agency hit some really low lows, I never considered leaving. Why? I refused to abandon my team. I assumed I could fix the problems with a little more time. I didn’t want to be perceived as a wimp who couldn’t take the heat. I didn’t want to disappoint my family. I didn’t want to lose. I had more than enough reasons to keep losing sleep, rather than face the reality that I was tired out from trying.

At some point in every hard-working woman’s life, we face a moment of truth when we look at our life and our work and ask, “Is this what I was meant to do?” Lurking behind that question is its nagging corollary, “How can I get some time to figure that question out?”

Moments of truth arrive without an appointment. Some of these good girls were fired, with no time to plan. Others got seriously ill or the death of a friend or family member awakened them to their own mortality. All of a sudden, the “important meetings” and “critical deadlines” pale by comparison.

Copyright © 2005 by Mary Lou Quinlan

Lisa B., 35, worked her way up the ladder in the glamorous world of travel. While 15 years of non-stop work were a plus for her paycheck, she realized that her chances for love were diminishing every year she said, "not yet." Read More>>

From newsrooms to ladies rooms, the buzz is that it’s time for some well-deserved time off. Check out the latest truths, trends and stories from women like you on Mary Lou’s blog. Join in the conversation now...
Visit the Blog>>